Our students and graduates often have great insights to share on our Online Classroom (our electronic discussion board), and occasionally we like to share their thoughts and views with a larger audience. Recently
Petra P., one of our
HECP students, shared some especially interesting insights....
"Last month I attended a workshop put on by the Common Bond Institute called 'Engaging the Other.' I understood the conference to be about how to garner greater inclusion between diverse groups. The discussions and experience affected me profoundly. One of the “aha’s” was a panel discussion about spirituality and violence in our world.
"The panel members were well educated, respected and experienced representatives of their religions. Rather than using the word spirituality, the moderator chose the word religion. He defined religion by the origins of the word as Ligare which means to bind, connect. This definition of religion was new to me but made a lot of sense when you consider what religion ultimately does for a person…connects individuals to each other as well as to something bigger…God(s), the Universe, Nature, Oneness. The panel consisted of a Lakota Woman, a Jewish Rabbi, a Buddhist Monk, a Baptist Minister and an Islamic Imam.
"It quickly became very clear that each spoke about their own group in very different terms than when they spoke about the “other” group. Although different speakers did so to a different degree and with different speaking styles, all five speakers distinguished their group from the “other” in the same basic ways. Each spoke very eloquently about the connectivity and “goodness” of their group and the violence thrust upon them by the “other.” When speaking of their own group the tone of voice was soft, melodic, warm and with great understanding; when speaking of the “other,” the tone of voice harshened -- became more staccato, cold and righteous. When speaking of their own traditions and history, each focused upon positive, compassionate and inclusive aspects and examples; when speaking of the history and traditions of the “other,” each focused upon negative, suspicious and exclusive aspects and examples. Although each did so to varying degrees, some with more subtle sophistication than others, each speaker -- without exception -- positioned their own group as the innocent victim and the “other” group as the guilty perpetrator of violence.
"Since then I’ve listened to people talking in the media, in my sisters’ shop, to associates, friends, family and myself, for that matter…and we all use the tone of our voice and the examples we choose to set the stage to create the illusion that our/my group, choice, idea, action, reaction is “good,” “peaceful,” “compassionate,” “rational,” “right,” “necessary,” and “enlightened,” and that the “other” is the opposite: “bad,” “violent,” “hateful,” “irrational,” “wrong,” “unnecessary,” “unenlightened,” etc.
"I’ve been meditating on this for the last month, looking for some understanding. I’ve considered it through the lenses of my limited knowledge about psychology, philosophy, social psychology, anthropology, and neurobiology, finding myriad paths to explain aspects of the phenomena. My initial thought was that I need more education to “figure” it out. But I find that what I am searching for is understanding and synthesis at the most basic level…the human level, which any human being can observe without formal education or language.
"Several things occurred to me about what I witnessed at the panel discussion. First, the information that we choose to focus on determines who or what we connect with. For instance, I have a friend whose husband recently had an affair. When she focuses on her husband’s affair she hates her husband, wanting a divorce; but, when she focuses on the ten great years of their 12-year marriage, their children, and his apology and recommitment to her, she loves him. I’ve been paying attention to my own thoughts and what I’m focused upon when positive or negative feelings or interpretations arise. I am stunned by how quickly a change of focus can change my feelings. I thought I might just be weird, but a friend of mine that attended the conference agreed to try the same exercise, and she had the same results.
"Second, one can’t be connected to everything, nor can we be connected all the time; however, we can always be open to the possibility of connection. There are more people and things to be involved with than there are energy and time. And different people have different styles, needs and tolerances for connection. The question becomes “How does the connection and disconnection occur, and what meaning do we give it?” In monitoring my own connections and disconnections, I found myself to be much more erratic and circumstantial than I would have previously thought. When I’m happy, I’m open to the possibility of connection. When I’m tired, crabby or in a hurry, I connect or disconnect abruptly. I avoid connecting with people about whom I’ve developed negative stories, even if I don’t really know them. I started to notice what voice I used when connecting. And noticing how people responded to me in my various states of connection.
"Third, I can easily observe another person’s behavior, tone of voice, expression, etc. However, there is no way to really know the depth or breadth of another person’s intentions, interpretations, emotions, intellect, experiences or heart. Initially I thought the converse was also true -- that it would be difficult to observe myself and easy to know my own intentions, interpretations, emotions, intellect, experiences and heart. But oddly the reverse was true. A little attention and discipline easily brought about self-observation, but untangling my intentions, interpretations and emotions was difficult. I found myself confused -- wanting to deny, minimize, rationalize and deflect my negativity or blame myself. It occurred to me that the “other” could also be me. So not only do we reject others but we also reject ourselves!
"At first I took these personal experiments quite seriously, but after a while, when I saw all this nonsense going on within and around me, I started to find it quite humorous. I’ve decided to make it part of my daily practice to pay attention to the quality of my focus, connections and observations. I try to remind myself that when I get all fidgety, agitated and anxiety-ridden, that we are all human, and therefore, at the most basic level, we are connected, regardless of our “otherness.” Knowing this gives me serenity, even within the storm."
You have read this article building bridges /
diversity /
humane living /
interconnectedness /
the "other"
with the title December 2007. You can bookmark this page URL https://actuosa-participatio.blogspot.com/2007/12/connecting-with-the.html. Thanks!
There's no question that a number of films have inspired and challenged people all over the world, and now that pretty much anyone with a camera can create something and share it with others -- thanks to sites like YouTube -- there's ever more opportunity for us to learn more about each other and come together to help transform the world into a compassionate, sustainable, peaceful place.
